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Abstinence means different things to different people, just as "sex" can mean different things. If you are not having sex, because you want to be safe from STIs (including HIV) and prevent an unwanted pregnancy, then abstinence means not having oral, anal or vaginal intercourse. Choosing if and when you are going to have sex is a personal decision. It’s your body and the decision whether or not to have sex is entirely up to you.

But not having sex doesn’t have to be a lifetime choice. There are different ways to abstain:

Wait until you are ready. Sex is as much emotional as it is physical, and if you’re only having sex because your partner wants to or because other people are telling you to, then you don’t have to do it. It’s your decision. Waiting until you are married, or until you are in a committed relationship with someone you trust are completely acceptable choices.

Take a break. Perhaps you’ve tried sex but don’t want to do it again for a while, because you’re not in a relationship, you don’t want to put yourself at any kind of risk or you felt that you weren’t really ready for the experiences you’ve already had. If you want to stop having sex for a while then that’s fine. A break can last a week or a year - it’s up to you.

Delay for one night. If you and your partner don’t have a condom, or if sex doesn’t feel right at the time, then don’t do it.

Whatever your reason, it’s your decision. Just because you’re not having sex doesn’t mean that you can’t have a good time or be intimate with your partner.

Relationships are about a lot more than just sex and there are more ways than having sex to get close to someone. Sometimes sex can make things a lot more complicated in a relationship, especially if each person doesn’t fully understand how the other feels. It’s a good idea to talk to your partner about sex, about what it means to you - your worries, your expectations, your previous experiences. Communication in any relationship is extremely important.

A lot of people will make you think that everyone’s doing it - but they’re not! If it works for you then you can feel good about your decision to wait a while. After all, no sex is the safest sex of all.